felt in action. breath. feeling the wind against my skin. feeling the rock under my skin, my muscles flexed holding me against the pull of gravity as the fear dies away in the midst of each movement.
I have focused on the past, and I have fallen into a state of inaction. I
have become, in essence, a lie. Not a full one, but more lie than
truth. So many times I say things ... I have the best intentions, but without action, there is no truth. I want to make myself into a man of action, a man of truth. Each action is a step forward.
When I educate myself, it is a step on the path to truth. The action is when I can share those interesting things about the world. It is when I can help another fellow human being. It is when I somehow quash the ignorant greed that is destroying this world. I long for this life, and it is only felt through action.
Today, I went to church again. It was the universalist unitarian fellowship. It felt good to be surrounded by people preaching about doing good in this world. I have always been fond of Unitarians even when I was a Catholic, even when I was an atheist. "Old ladies on a mission" is how I remember them. Whether it was on the streets of Portland or near my college campus as I watched Ghandi's grandson speak about the message of his grandfather, Unitarians seem to convey a positive message. So I will give it a shot. I tried Atheism, but I don't have the audacity to imagine a world without some sort of pattern. And as far as Agnosticism, I guess that still defines me. My belief in God is really more of a belief that life is sacred, that we inherit a love for one another that is only destroyed by the wickedness of the world. So I long to become part of something that will help, in some small way, create more beauty and tolerance in this world, better uses of our resources and a sense of connection.
A guy can dream.
Time to read and better myself, to finish some projects and organize my schedule for the week.
Organization is like honing a soul. It frees the obstacles to action and gives the mind a sense of respite in the midst of the storm.